Harry Potter and the Muggle Dueling Device
by willtheranger
Summary: Harry Potter gets an idea in Hogsmeade. Why not fight Voldemort? Even if he's in his third year! Drunk Harry. Oneshot. Only for fun, not a serious story or anything.


**Haha, this was just for fun. I know this type of story has been written many times, but I just wanted to write it. **

Harry stood at Hogsmeade with Ron and Hermione, his arms around both.

He stumbled, having drunken perhaps a little too much butterbeer.

"You know." Harry said, "I want to kill Voldemort."

Ron and Hermione gaped at him.

"In fact, I want to kill him right now." Harry said with a slur.

He let go of both of them, and started heading for a shop with dark objects.

Hermione and Ron followed him cautiously and looked around at the dark seeming shop.

He slapped his hand down on the counter, where a pretty girl was standing, and leaned on it.

"Hello miss, one muggle gun please." He said.

The girl raised an eyebrow, "We have no muggle objects here, now off with you!" she said, gesturing to the doors.

Harry stood up taller, and uncovered his forehead, pushing his long bangs up.

"See this?" he said, pointing to his scar, "I'm Harry Potter. And Harry Potter gets what he wants."

Ron and Hermione gaped at him again. He never revealed his scar.

The girl stared at him for a moment, and then looked around for a moment, "Listen, I can't, Mr. Potter, I-" she said in a low voice.

"I'll let you do me." Harry interrupted, and lifted his robes up, showing his abs. "I'm big, too. "

The girl giggled, "Well, if you say so." She said, and walked to where all the objects were held.

Harry stumbled as he leaned back in satisfaction, Ron and Hermione caught him, still petrified on how weird Harry was acting.

The girl came back to him, holding a small package out to him.

Harry picked it up, and turned to go.

"Wait," the girl protested, "You promised you would-"

"Obliviate." Harry said, waving his wand behind his back.

He headed out the door, and opened up the package.

"Mate, what are you doing?" Ron asked.

Harry looked at him, and waved his wand, "Stupefy." He said, and did the same to Hermione.

He ripped up his package, and a pistol fell out.

He picked it up, and grinned crazily.

He stumbled into the middle of Hogsmeade.

"Come here, you great slug!" he yelled, receiving curious stares, "COME HERE VOLDEMORT! I will destroy YOU!" he roared.

Suddenly, black mist appeared, and Voldemort stood in place of it!

Everyone froze and gasped.

Harry and Voldemort circled, their wands out.

"Fool." Voldemort said, sneering, "You have the courage to call me? The greatest wizard of all time? Do you have a death wish?"

Harry grinned at him, and saliva fell out of his mouth, "Yes."

And he whirled his wand in the air, and suddenly, all Voldemort's Horcruxes came appearing around him!

He took out his gun, and shot all of them.

After he was done, Voldemort was dropped to one knee in pain.

He shrieked, and then got up, looking weak.

"You dare." He said, and roared, "_Avada Kedavra!_"

Harry, however, shot the beam of green light, and it disappeared.

He wondered why he was floating in the air, but then he realized it.

He was a horcrux!

He quickly shot himself, and closed his eyes.

He opened them to James Potter laughing at him.

"Really, Harry? You're drunk, and about to defeat Voldemort!" He laughed..

Still far from sober, Harry said, "Leave me be, father! I shall kill him."

His father stared at him, and waved his wand.

Suddenly, Harry opened his eyes and saw he was still in the air, with everyone, including Voldemort, staring at him.

"DIE!" he yelled, and shot Voldemort.

Suddenly, Voldemort fell to the ground, and all the light disappeared from his eyes, and he disappeared as well.

He fell to the ground, and stood up.

"I am Harry Potter, the chosen one! I just killed Voldemort with a Muggle weapon!" he roared. "From now on! We are inferior to Muggles!"

…

20 years later:

"C'mon Albus, it's time to go to Muggle school!" Harry said to his son.

James led Albus inside the school, waving back to Harry and Ginny.

"Dad, I want to go!" Lily said.

"Hush, dear, you will next year." Ginny told her.

"Filthy mudbloods!" some pure blood Muggles yelled at them as they walked back home.

**Review on how you liked it, lol.**


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